Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
