one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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