Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
