Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
