Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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