At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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