Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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