69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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