we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
