shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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