It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
