Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Randomize
