She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
