So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
