Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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