And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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