you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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