Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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