I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
