so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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