Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
