Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There's always time for handjobs
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
