Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
