i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
