You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sorry about my life...
I did not marry a roomba.
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