What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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