I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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