Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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