what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize