omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
