i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
