Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
