i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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