Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
