So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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