I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize