I looked at my own cervix.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
