Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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