Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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