new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
