it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I accidentally burped into my bong.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
