so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Randomize
