I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
