I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
