Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
