It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
His nipple licking is glorious
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