I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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