i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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