i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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