Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
