I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
