Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
