Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
