god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
