Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My balls are so social today.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
