that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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