yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
