their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
