I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
