I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
