Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
