I just pynch a tree in the face
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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