do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
