It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize