he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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